Getting a grip on my life.

What’s worse than waking up on a rainy day when you already struggle at the thought of the day ahead. Every day is a laundry day. When the sun is out it’s so much easier to get out and take a grip in an attempt to wash away any negativity.

That said, it’s still a struggle but looking at how difficult it can be on the damp days – it certainly feels a thousand times easier.

Living with anxiety I’ve learnt that you can not control the weather cycles in your head. Like the British weather you can go to sleep thinking tomorrow will be a good day but the reality is the forecast is never truly accurate.

I’m learning to dress for the occasion. I know I might need to cover up and protect myself from the storm OR allow myself to bask in the warmth of happiness.

Either way its an impossible situation for your partner as well as yourself. Before I started taking medication to level myself out I had no idea that my wife was treading on eggshells around me. Not knowing what kind of mood I was in or how I would react in different situations. Looking back at it now I must have been a nightmare, especially as she suffers from severe depression herself. As I’ve said in previous blogs the hardest part was not admitting it but going to see a GP to do something about it. It took my wife several months after I started the medication to be able to relax completely when I was around her. What helps more than anything now is knowing when I’m having a bad day and admitting it to myself and to my wife. I can handle the day better and she can relax knowing that I am quiet for a reason and I have it under control.

It’s taken me a long time to get a grip on my life but I can now step out on a rainy day – aware that I may slip at any time but knowing that I have the strength to stop myself from falling.

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