It’s been a while since my last post, the only excuse is my mind has been kept occupied by home life. Living with a mental illness is one thing, living with someone who also has a mental illness is an extra strain on an already frazzled brain.
Although having that alone feeling inside, brought on by anxiety and depression, I find a type of comfort in physically being on my own. Only a couple of days ago I found myself in London with a few hours to kill. Living in Cornwall it was the opposite to the peace and tranquility of the Cornish life. So much hustle and bustle, even at 7 o’clock in the morning. People looking through you almost blinkered on where they were going, lost in their own little world. I found my pace had quickened, almost as if my body was trying to match the environment around me. So I slowed my speed. In doing so my eyes were able to focus on so much more. I was heading to Stamford Bridge, home of Chelsea FC. I’ve been a follower for many years and had always wanted to visit the ground. I’d missed an opportunity 10 years ago when, on my 40th birthday I was given tickets to a game. Only to be thwarted by my boss at the time who refused me time off. Anyway……
As my pace had slowed I could take in the affluence of Chelsea & Kensington. A beautifully kept area where money was reflecting off the Ferraris onto the million pound apartments – another world.
Take me back 10 years to New York with my children and a surreal walk I took. New York was a dream destination for me, I’d always been attracted to the big apple and after 9/11 I wanted to pay my respects.
The children had gone off with their Grandma on a site seeing tour so I took the opportunity to explore on my own. The reports you hear coming out of America makes it sound like the wild west. It couldn’t have been further from the truth – I’d never felt so safe walking the streets. Eyes wide open I took a walk to Grand Central Station. The architecture both on the walk and inside the station was absolutely stunning.
Like a colony of ants people were again, like in London blinkered on route to their destinations. As I watched them though they avoided each other, no bumping or knocking into each other. Too busy for me but my eyes allowed me to slow down their pace and breath in my surroundings.
All this was possible by simply being alone. The only distraction being yourself but if you allow yourself to close your mind to those distractions and feed your eyes with your surroundings you can enrich your soul.
Being alone physically can help the loneliness you feel through anxiety and depression. A simple stimulus that is free and liberating.